How Toxic Masculinity Made Its Way Into Gay Realm on Will & Grace (1998)

Will & Grace, a boundary-pushing late 90s show that represents gay community. Is it actually free of toxic masculinity?

If there is a toxic kind of masculinity, exactly how many masculinity kinds are there?

The answer is: A LOT. RW Connell in her book Masculinities (1995) said that there are various kinds of masculinity. However, rather than being spread equally on a horizontal line, they all seem to be clustered vertically with men who possess more feminine aspects or are non-heterosexuals to place further down the ladder. This kind of stratification creates a condition in which men are expected to be constantly in need to prove their manhood. The way to prove this idea of manhood is through boasting one’s masculinity degree and ridiculing those who are considered less. More often than not, this relentless rivalry to prove one's masculinity leads to toxic masculinity. 

How toxic masculinity is uncool for everybody

Assertion and competition are some of the dynamics that exist even in the pack of so-called non-alpha males such as in the case of The Big Bang Theory gang. Be it in the professional stage as fellow professors or in a more casual stage as friends, their relationship almost always revolves around competition and disrespecting each other in the process. Another particular problematic aspect of the show is in relation to the idea of heterosexuality and how it reaffirms or, in reverse, diminishes the male characters’ manhood. As collateral damage, this notion also diminishes women as the trophy for men to assert their manhood.  

Will & Grace: Ambivalence depiction of toxic masculinity

This idea of hierarchical manhood can be commonly observed to permeate everywhere, especially when a show employs at least two male characters. The sitcom Will & Grace from 1998 tells a story about two best friends Will (a gay lawyer) and Grace (a straight interior designer). Aside from Will and Grace, the main cast also includes Karen (Grace’s secretary) and Jack (Will’s gay friend). Compared to Will, Jack’s demeanor is more expressive and effeminate. He loves fashion, dancing, and often acts ultra-dramatic. It is somewhat shocking that even in the homosexual pool, the idea of hypermasculinity can still manage to sneak in.

Despite the fact that this show attempted to represent inclusivity by employing gay main characters, Jack as a gay who openly flaunts femininity is considered unimpressive and is often mocked by others. Jack being jack is one of the highly used punchlines at least throughout the first two seasons. Being the gay whose mannerism is somewhat more manly than Jack, Will often used jokes about how lame Jack's demonstration of his self-identity is. For instance, when Jack and Grace found out that they both love ice-skating, Will snorted and said to her that he didn’t expect Grace to have that kind of taste (S01E11). Jack replied with ‘Oh but you did expect it from me?’ which subtly notes that Will did not think highly of Jack because of his ultra-feminine taste and preference.

Will often seems to be embarrassed to call Jack a friend for that reason. In the episode Will Works Out, aired in April 1999, Will said ‘sometimes he's just such a... fag’ to explain his reluctance of inviting Jack to share gym membership. Regardless of the fact that they are (again) BOTH GAY, the audience can grasp the presence of the harmful idea of stratified masculinity degree in Will's dialogue lines above. Upon accidentally listening to that line, Jack tried hard to suppress his self-expression by comically acting more 'jock'. Jack's immediate response to hide his feminine self is the common problematic effect of toxic masculinity.

However, towards the ending of that episode, this show depicts ambivalence. Jack finally confronted Will about how he would rather be seen as himself is instead of faking it. Will used the derogatory word 'fag' to express disdain for Jack's feminine self-expression, but Jack inverted it and wear it as his badge of pride instead. In that one powerful line, ‘I'd rather be a fag than afraid’, Jack opened his friend's eyes to accept and to be proud of their identity as homosexual men.